Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
