Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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