I think i peed on brittanys purse
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
