just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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