He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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