There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
