god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
