Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
