I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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