Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
