Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she looked like the before picture.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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