I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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