I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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