Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
