I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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