wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
there is glitter all over my balls
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
