I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
