I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize