I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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