I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
