I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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