if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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