its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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