so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
