Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
