and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
