I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
