For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
