I need to stop coming to work sober
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
