My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
