It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
