I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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