Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
