U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
