i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
