apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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