My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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