I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
