I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
