is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
