Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize