I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
