So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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