Umm I'm too high to move.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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