I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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