Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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