Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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