Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
