i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
