Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
