This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
