Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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