just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This baby is an asshole
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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