do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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