If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
