Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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