If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Terrible idea I love it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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