Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
