mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Drake has all the answers
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
