we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize