the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
