Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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