Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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