please come you make the beer taste better
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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