How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
