Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
