I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
