it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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