Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
