Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
