sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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