Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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