he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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