i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
