I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
