went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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