I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
