AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize