I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
