All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
