wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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