"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
