There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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