I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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