He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
