I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
