Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
