You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
