She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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