Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have post one night stand depression
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