I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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