He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Enjoy the penises
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
