Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
