O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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