boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
