just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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