Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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