u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
