had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
