omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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