I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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